tough questions

Hellooo darlings! I want to start off by saying what a nice vacation we had, and I can't wait to share all the details with you--but first, there's something weighing heavy on my heart today. I could easily save this post for another day after I'm done sharing how awesome Mexico was, but I'm sort of in a place where I could use some support today, not tomorrow. It sounds so needy, I know--just bear with me, will ya?

This topic is killing me. I'm not sure if I'm just being overdramatic and self-centered, or what. While on vacation I was constantly reminded of the things I couldn't do: parasailing, swimming with dolphins {I guess they sense the baby's heartbeat with their sonar and will bang against your belly}, cliff diving, scuba diving, quading, drinking, etc... There were restrictions on just about everything I did. Now, I'm not meaning to go all "pregnant princess" on ya'll...I'm just trying to say that it was difficult to watch my hubby and the other couples we traveled with having a ball.

**Disclaimer** That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy myself and have fun--I definately did, it was just a different kind of fun--a relaxing, rejuvenating kind of fun {which is really just what I needed-really}.

What bugged me though, was smoking. Specifically, did others smoke around you while you were pregnant? Is it your responsibility to walk away, or theirs? How do you handle that?

What I'm going to say next might shock those of you that know I'm in healthcare administration, but I used to smoke, too. Certainly not everyday, not even every week...just socially here and there. There were times where it was more often than others, and it wasn't ever something I was proud of--it's just that I have a lot of  most friends that do, and it was sort of what we did when hanging out on the weekends. I am well aware of the effects, it was just that I took a "that's not going to happen to me" approach to it. We all know that's not true. Anyways, I quit altogether the day I found out we were expecting. No questions about it, I was done for good. I'm not saying those first couple weekends weren't hard when my pals would step out in the garage on a nice autumn night, but it was over and I was fine with it. Happy, really, to be free from it. It was always my plan to quit for good once we started a family.

I do need to say that our close friends have been hugely supportive and respectful since finding out I was pregnant, and I love them dearly for that. They are very protective in that they don't smoke around me and it makes life so much easier for me, and for baby.

The one person who hasn't been so keen on the quit efforts is my husband. He doesn't want to quit.

Now, this is NOT meant to be a hubby-bashing post. I love the man dearly, and I know quitting isn't easy for everyone. Nor is it my intention here to whine about how "if he loved me and baby he would quit," and "I can't do anything fun so neither can you", but rather I'm asking for input. For help. For support. For direction.

It wasn't until just recently that I starting nagging him about it. I promised myself I wouldn't nag, but last night I found myself doing just that--nagging. He stayed out after work with the boys for a few beers while I was at my zumba class and came home reeking of smoke. {Cigarrettes, people--not weed...just felt the need to clarify we don't condone that}.

I immediately got all righteous high and mighty with the "I'm almost half way and you can't stop yet?!" And the "you set the quit date for December 12th--it's February!" Let's not forget the "how can you watch my belly grow and not feel like you're endangering our child!?"

Not proud. Shameful, actually. Bad wife.

Anyways, I just want to know did your husband/sig other quit smoking while you were pregnant? How can I help mine, or is it not up to me? A couple of things: he has never smoked in the house {yuck}, he varies between a half pack and a pack a day {scary}, he's been smoking since high school and smoked heavily while in the Air Force and on both tours in Iraq. He says he'll quit when he's ready {but how can you not be ready with a baby on the way?!}

Preaching on the harmful effects won't scare him-he says "everyone has to die from something" and that's not a joke-he had skin cancer a little over a year ago and has permanent scars on his face from it. He's 27. He doesn't bat an eyelash at how bad it could have been. Or that he could have died from it. This tough guy mentality is something I totally used to share with him-why do you think I didn't think twice about smoking?

It's just that things are different now that it's not just us. That we're responsible for another life. I want to give that life everything I have-and be around for them. I cannot be selfish any longer.

So there you have it. That's pretty deep for my standards--I'm not much of a feelingsy, share-my-fears kind of girl. Consider this a line thrown out in desperation to not feel alone in this. 

I know he'll do the right thing, it will just take time. What I'm wondering is how I can support him through it.