Bachelor Recap III

Holy balls! Bachelor never fails to provide solid entertainment, ya know? They basically show us everything that happens on the previews...yet we loyal airheads followers continue to tune in week after week. Hubs does me one better: he sets the DVR and we go about our usual business until about 8:30. Then we sit down to watch the debauchery unfold with no commercial interruptions. Alas, the American Dream. What did we do before DVR? I can barely remember what I did before Dish, and that was only 2 years ago.

1. Let's start off with the elephant in the room: Shawntell. Girl has balls, but girl has been spending too much time in the morgue to have her head on straight. I mean come on, you go from kissing Brad to wanting to date a sloppy haired, sweaty Ben? Really? I really wish Ben would have given her a rose though, just so that Courtney girl would leave. And, I don't mind Shawntell...she's not one to get pushed around easily. Also, what's this about the girls complaining it's not fair to bring her back?  Nothing is fair hunny; life, love, war, nothing. You get what you deserve {work for} and that's about it.

2. I'm not surprised or sad about Brittney leaving. Ben even said it was a pity date, so there it's done. Wish more of these hoes would jump ship and let us cut to the good stuff....you know, the island dates where Bachelor Ben tries to bed all the girls by giving them keys to his suite. Juicy!

3. I know Kacie B is leaving next week. Just a gut feeling. My new #1 is Emily. Those faces she made at Courtney during the cocktail party were hilarious. She also seems the most normal. Like we could be friends in real life. I used to like Nicki too, but after all those tears last night, I'm not too sure. Lindzi's face/makeup bothers me, and her date was less than thrilling {who wants to be a "backup" date?}. That speakeasy was sweet though.

4. So glad Jaclyn & Erica are out. Jaclyn is weird looking and Erika is crazy. How can she make it through a lip tattoo twice, but not be able to stand through a rose ceremony? Then she acted like nothing happened when he left her in the lobby. Strange.  Now we just need to get that little girl, {what's her name, Samantha?} off.

5. Where's the Monica-action? Girl came out like a lion and now she's keeping a low profile. My bet is she's the one who hooks up with one of the producers and gets asked to leave. Either her or Blakeley.

6. Somebody should set Jennifer's suitcase on fire. I don't know if my eyeballs can handle another pink-red outfit. Not with that hair.

7. Papi had to rewind the DVR twice during Elyse's "WHO IS SHE?!" He was dying. He thinks she is a man. He also doesn't like Rachel {which I don't understand} and Jaime {duh}. Who wears a prom dress to opening night, and rhinestones to the cocktail parties? Shoulda dropped the extra couple hundos for something other than your old arsenal of homecoming dresses girlfraann.

That's all I have for you darlings. See you in Utah!